Conversational Hypnosis

Foundations of Basic Rapport

2010-02-15T22:23:00.000-08:00

You don’t have to be Casanova in order to establish basic rapport but you do need some practice. It probably won’t happen on the first try but it very well might on the fifth.

So the first rule of rapport is simple: smile. It might sound obvious but you’ll be surprised how many people ignore this rule and don’t grace their opponent with a hello kind of smile. There’s a thing to help to make your smile more charming: think of something pleasant that makes you smile and extend this smile to your opponent. People are guaranteed to like your smile then.

The second thing you can do to establish and maintain rapport is to make and maintain eye contact. It’s not as easy as it sounds as some people are naturally shy and have trouble in establishing eye contact. Here’s the thing though.

Eye contact should be fluid and natural. It means while you should maintain eye contact you must not stare at the person or you’ll make people feel uncomfortable which goes against rapport. There are a couple of things that you can do.

First, now and then glance away for a second and then look people back in the eyes. The second thing you can do is to look between the eyebrows. The best thing about this trick is that people will think is that you are looking them straight in the eyes.

But the best thing you can do about making eye contact and rapport in general is to develop “laughing” or “smiling” eyes. Then you don’t even have to smile, yet people will become drawn to you. Again, it won’t happen overnight, but if you practice, you’ll get them.

On a verbal level in order to establish rapport just find agreement about the subject you are conversing. Express your point of view. That’s also great technique to keep conversation flowing.

And, like with a smile, use the power of your emotions to build a great state. You can develop a personality that people will be attracted to you by your sheer magnetism. You’ve probably met people who are very much liked yet hardly say anything. The point is that you don’t have to be a brilliant conversationalist to be able to establish rapport though this definitely helps.

Kung-Fu Hypnosis

2009-11-27T16:09:00.000-08:00

This is rather esoteric field that I only have a few notes about. The possibilities are immense, if only this subject was studied in more depth. However like with all the really interesting and fascinating subjects, the instructions are not easily available and you have to find a teacher who would be willing to teach you.

Kung-fu or chi hypnosis deals with the energy. Martial arts are basically a form of manipulating energy. They can perform feats that can be only described as miracles from the European point of view. For example, they can throw a person with a powerful blow without touching him. The term they use for that is lin kong jing which mean powerful empty force. Li means raw energy. Fa li or fa jing means release of power. Jing means controlled energy for some specific task. Fa means to issue or send force so fa jing is release of power or to send energy.

Gong jing means empty force. Kong jing or ling kong jing is sending energy through space to push or move another person without physical contact.

Kung-fu deals with energy based hypnosis, in martial art it would be combat oriented energy. Here your mental state and the one of your opponent are very important. Opponents develop rapport in a sense of feeling of connection. They learn to feel what their opponent feels and change their mental state and energy in order to feel what their opponent is feeling. They learn to feel the energy change and change it at will.

Every time they change from the outward to the inward focus of attention there is opportunity to install suggestion (not necessarily verbally) because of a pattern interruption.

3 Levels of Skill in Hypnosis

2009-11-20T21:49:00.000-08:00

There are roughly 3 levels of skill in conversational hypnosis:

The first one is to change person’s behavior. That is what NLP and is all about. This is a surface level and can be achieved with a will power.

The second one is to change person’s beliefs. That goes deeper as beliefs are programmed deeply into subconsciousness. It can be done with NLP also.

The third and most advanced level is to be able to change one’s identity or personality. This level deals with manipulation of energy.

Jose Silva Method

2009-11-18T22:33:00.000-08:00

You have probably noticed that lots of this hypnosis stuff has been around by the different names. One of the early systems of self-improvement (I guess we can call it that) is known as Jose Silva method. You can check out the book from the public library.

I must say it is a very good introduction to the subject (that is to say, part 1 is), much better than oversimplified Shakti Gavain’s Creative Visualization The latter one is not bad by all means but it lacks in-depth explanation of things. Silva method is the system that promotes the use of imaginary mental screen and visualizing the situation the way you want it to be. The book is rather old but it is better written than all these new-age books with their almost always present religious overtones of varying degree and simplistic instructions.

Here is the example from the book that describes how to put yourself in an alpha state. Alpha state is the state that you reach in meditation. It is not too deep but it is deeper that out everyday beta state. This technique claims to put you in alpha on your very first try. So here goes.

Sit in a comfortable posture (yoga asana if you can), relax. Start counting from 100 to 1. That’s it! By the time you reach 1 you should be in alpha. If you don’t feel any different (like I didn’t) it means that you’ve been in alpha state before. What did you expect, anyway? It’s not Samadhi we are talking about, just an alpha state that is being calmer than usual. And yes, I’ll bet you a dollar that you have been in alpha before. Repeat for 10 days. Then count from 50 to 1 for another 10 days. Then from 10 to one and finally from 5 to 1.

From NLP point of view you have created an anchor: now every time you count from 5 to 1 you are in alpha. You have also engaged you conscious mind in some meaningless activity: enough to keep it busy and “release” you unconscious mind from its tight grip. Give it a try.

Ericksonian Hypnosis

2009-11-16T21:20:00.000-08:00

Milton Erickson was a pioneer in hypnosis. In a way he changed our view about hypnosis. He “invented” what is now known as a conversational hypnosis. Rather than using “you are feeling sleepy” pattern of a therapeutic hypnosis he came up with the idea to influence people in the regular conversation. Just by talking to them. He came up with the use of hypnotic language pattern that allows the persuader to slip his suggestions into unconscious mind. On this site there is an anecdote how Milton Erickson charmed the doctors who were about to strip him of the medical degree just by having a conversation with them on the plane to the conference.

Of course the art of persuasion and charm has been around long before Erickson. Casanova is one of the most famous examples. We all know people who are fabulous talkers and can persuade almost anyone to do anything willingly. Erickson turned this art into skill that anyone who is interested can learn and master.

Conversational hypnosis is a very useful skill as it allows you to interact with people effectively. The goal here is to make people like you and suggest thing that would help them. Yes, it is possible to use conversational hypnosis for ‘evil” purposes as well, but it’s rather like shooting a sparrow with cannon. You can achieve the same result much easier by persuading people to do what you want willingly. There are stories, for example, when people went to apply for jobs they were not qualified for and got them! Now isn’t that much better than steal money from a gas station? That just makes you a petty thief.

Anchoring

2009-03-20T21:11:00.000-07:00

Anchoring is a very interesting subject within NLP field. The idea is to link certain feelings to certain gestures or objects. We do it all the time unconsciously. Lots of people start thinking of a certain thing when they hear a particular song. A fragrance can trigger some event. Even a taste (remember Ratatouille?) Some people throw the old letters which remind them of the relationships they would rather forget about.

Anchoring is used in a dog training. There is a Columbo movie where a murder is committed on phone by persuading a victim to pronounce a certain phrase in a loud voice. The victim did not know that the dogs who were in the house were trained to kill when they heard that phrase. Lieutenant Columbo of course figured that out and had the dogs retrain so they would “kiss” instead of kill when they heard that phrase again. In the end the murderer is found out and he pronounces the phrase with the intention of killing Columbo. But of course to his great surprise the dogs kiss him instead. Great movie, one of my favourites in Columbo series.

Come to think of it we are not much better than dogs. Certain objects, fragrances, sounds and touches—sensations are linked to feelings. Unfortunately, just like with Columbo dogs it is impossible to get rid of the associations completely but we can link it to other feeling in order to weaken or neutralize the feeling we don’t want to experience anymore. We can use the swish pattern for this (imagine the action associated with the feeling that you want and swish the old one that you want to get rid of).

Anchoring can be very sneaky. I recommend that you use it only for good purposes and in order to help yourself. Here is the quick technique of anchoring:

Whenever you feel really good, make a certain gesture like put your thumb and middle finger together. After a while just performing this gesture will make you feel good.

Fears and Phobias

2009-03-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

NLP has been successfully used in curing fears and phobias. Again, the idea here is that these fears are the result of unconscious programming that took place years ago before you started thinking critically. Fears are learnt behavior and as such can be banished and replaced by desired feelings.

One can use a swish pattern to get rid of a phobia. For example, if you have fear of spiders, imagine a spider on you mental screen. Make it as big as you can stand it without fainting. Now imagine that this spider is getting smaller and getting farther from you. Now make the picture look silly. For example, imagine a spider wearing a party hat and a walking stick. Now is this scary? Think about spiders in this way.

The Swish Pattern

2009-03-13T23:23:00.000-07:00

The visual swish is another popular technique used in NLP. It also involves the use of the mental screen. It is used to change your feelings about something you don’t like.

You start by looking at the imaginary movie screen and seeing yourself just like it’s somebody else. See yourself doing something you don’t like and feel the feeling you want to get rid of.

Now imagine something you like and feel the way you want to feel.

Start with the old image big and bright and a new image as a small dark square in the corner of the old one.

Perform the swish—quickly expand and brighten the new image while simultaneously shrinking and darkening the old image. Do it quickly. Perform several times.

Another variant of the swish pattern is to imagine someone you don’t like (your boss, for example). Watch them for a little while. Now imagine them wearing a clown suit. Add little horns and moustache. Instead of hearing them speaking imagine that they speak in a squeaky voice that makes people laugh. Make the image silly and you’ll notice that you can’t help smiling. Repeat as needed.

NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)

2009-03-06T19:30:00.000-08:00

This is a fairly new field that has vast possibilities in social interaction. The idea is that our brain functions like a biological computer and our beliefs are programmed in the very early childhood. Some traumatic event long forgotten might have more impact on your life than your conscious realization of your strengths and weaknesses.

It does not mean, however, that we can’t use our conscious mind to change our behavior. In fact, that is what NLP is all about. Here is the basic procedure of a new behavior generator to give you an idea. Feel free to adjust it to any situation.

Suppose you suffer from shyness and would like to develop more self-confidence. Think of someone who, in your opinion, has ultimate (or at least to a degree you want) self confidence. Think James Bond, for example or Arnold Schwarzenegger or it can be your uncle. It does not matter who as long as that person possesses the quality you want to develop.

Now imagine the situation where that person uses that quality. Your might think of it as watching a mental movie. Imagine the situation in vivid detail, as clear as possible.

Now is the crucial step. While you are watching this mental picture, change James Bond (or whoever you imagine) into yourself. Continue to experience the scene in all the colourful details.

Now change the focus from the third person to the first person perspective. Now it is you who is dealing so marvelously with the situation. It is actually you who possesses the superb self-confidence (or whatever quality you want to develop).

This technique is known as creative visualization. You visualize situation and yourself in it the way you want it to happen. If done frequently enough and with enough intensity and feeling, you should notice results quickly, like within 3-4 weeks. Don’t give up if you don’t succeed on the first try, approach to it as a game, with relaxed frame of mind. You have nothing to lose but a lot to gain.

A Few Words About Rapport

2009-03-03T18:18:00.001-08:00

Rapport is much misunderstood in conversational hypnosis. It is usually described as a mutual feeling of liking between two persons. While it can be so, rapport is more than that.

Rapport is not necessarily liking. Rather it is a feeling of connection and trust. Think of a combat situation in martial arts, for instance. The opponents are not always friends. Great combats are usually held between the rivals: people of equal skills who are earnestly engaged in the combat. They would feel that wonderful sense of connection that is beyond liking, love or hate.

Rapport is experienced on verbal and non-verbal levels. Have you ever met someone to whom you instantly took a great sympathy? Lots of people tell stories when they met someone to whom they instantly took a sudden repulsion without knowing why. These are examples of rapport on a non-verbal level.

Rapport on a verbal or linguistic level is created by words. Thoughts have structure that are linked to feeling. By using proper words we can create a certain feeling thus establishing rapport.

Any language structure that mirrors people’s thought bypass their critical factor. That is why part of the mirroring techniques is to imitate people’s rate of speech and use similar speech patterns. They would also be using certain words that you can pick up and use in your conversation with them. Also at the gatherings, if a situation allows, speak of the subjects that are interesting to them. It also helps to establish rapport; sharing of interest. If you don’t know much of the subject, ask questions that you’d like to know the answer to. But don’t fake the interest, it is a fatal mistake. Most people would feel that your interest is not genuine.

How do you establish rapport on non-verbal level? This is actually more difficult as people judge each other on the unconscious level. But the same principle of mirroring technique apply here; imitate but don’t mimic. Make your motions fluid and natural. For example you can assume the same posture and use gestures in a similar way. The key here is to be subtle and not to mimic them directly. If they scratch their nose, for example, wait a few seconds and touch your chin. Above all, be natural. On the other hand, don’t be afraid, people don’t know what you are up to and what seems very obvious to you is virtually undetectable for them.

Rapport is one of the key ingredients in conversational hypnosis. It is much easier to influence people with whom you establish a sense of connection. It is still possible to influence people without rapport but it takes more advanced level of skill. Learn to establish rapport and you will have an easy time with conversational hypnosis.

Rapport skills also work cross-culturally. It is possible to live in another country without speaking the language and have a great time there because people in general like you.

4 Words of Power

2008-12-22T23:36:00.000-08:00

4 words of power are the essential part of conversational hypnosis that deals with hypnotic language pattern or the use of words. These 4 words are tools to achieve a certain effect of logic. But before we get to them, lets us look briefly what else one should know before starting using these 4 words of power.

There are 2 master keys or main principles when it comes in using words for conversational hypnosis.

1. The principle of flow. When you use these words, use them smoothly, do not make unusual pauses in conversation. In fact, the smoother you can be, the better is the effect. All good conversationalists are smooth talkers.

2. The principle of association. When we use words, we invariably tend to think of other words or rather objects and concepts associated with them. These are usually different for everyone but there are lots of generic ones as well. For example, a ninety-year old man is associated with old man, gray-haired man, old age, etc.

The 4 words of power are: as, because, and, means (and their equivalents). As you can see, these words are neutral in themselves but they allow us to create linguistic bridges that link one idea to another. And get this: these ideas do not have to have anything in common or be normally associated with each other. Use of these words, however, let us lead a person we are trying to influence through one idea to another and through several other ideas in-between. The created effect of seeming logic is what makes these words so powerful.

The word because is especially powerful as it provides the reason for doing things. You have probably heard of a famous example. Harvard social psychologist Ellen Langer made an experiment. She asked in the line for a copy machine to go first. The first time she asked: “Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I go first, because I am in a hurry?” The rate of compliance was nearly total: 94% let her skip ahead. When she just asked: “Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I go first?” only 60% complied. At first glance it appears that the difference between these two requests was the reason provided by the word because. But the third request was formulated like this: “Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I go first because I need to make some copies?” What do you think the rate of compliance was? Nearly the same as in the first case: 93%. That’s when it became clear that people reacted to the word because and let the real reason just slip by. The word because implies reason, so a person’s brain is less likely to question the validity of that reason, whatever it might be.

The above example is taken from the book by Robert Cialdini Influence. New York. Morrow. 1984. p. 18.

The Power of Conversational Hypnosis Review

2008-10-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

A while ago I found out about a great hypnosis course that seems to include pretty much everything on conversational hypnosis. It is designed by the world-class hypnotist Igor Ledochowski and promoted by Clifford Mee. I have not heard about Igor before that but he seems to know his stuff. The style of hypnosis he teaches is based on the work of legendary Milton Erickson who was the greatest hypnotist the world has known so far.

The program covers pretty much everything to start you on the way to use conversational hypnosis consciously. From building rapport to hypnotic language patterns. It is fascinating to learn and it will prove useful in many situations.

A word of warning. Hypnosis in general and this course in particular is not a magic button that you push and people start automatically doing you bidding. Unfortunately the sales copy is overhyped in this respect though nearly not as much as the other ones on the market. Rather it is a set of tools, different approaches and techniques that will help you to improve your communication skills. Like any other skill it has to be learnt and especially practiced. But this one delivers and for the amount of material presented (14 hour CDs) it seems to be a fair price.

You can read all the features on the sales page so I won't repeat them here. Be sure to check out their free copy, it is exceptionally good and will give you a fair understanding of the main principles of hypnosis and also the taste of what the main course is like. I have never had a better free offer than at this course, usually "free gift" is totally meaningless junk trying to sell you the main product. This one is good.

So if you feel like it's time for you to improve your arsenal of communication or social skill this product might be very helpful. It also comes with 2 months guarantee.

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To your success!

Compensation Disclosure: This site receives compensation for referred sales of some or all mentioned products.

Welcome to Conversational Hypnosis!

2008-10-24T23:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Reader,

What do you think about when you hear the word "hypnosis"? Do you immediately visualize a man dressed in black cape swinging his watch, looking into his subjects' eye and commanding "You are feeling sleepy!" or does the word remind you of those "stop smoking with hypnosis" slogans? Maybe you associate hypnosis with sleep or near sleep state when you have to obey commands of a hypnotist without will?

Well, hypnosis is all of the above and none of the above. It can certainly be used for all of the mentioned scenarios but the theory and concept behind hypnosis is deeper than that.

Hypnosis is a state of consciousness when the conscious mind is "switched off", so to speak. It creates the state of heightened suggestibility that can be used to slide in the hypnotic suggestion. Another comparison that I like is your subconsciousness is like a dark cave full of mysterious things that we can only guess about. The conscious mind is like a dutiful guard watching what gets into this cave and what does not. Hypnosis is a way to put this guard to sleep or at least temporarily distract his attention.

Hypnosis has always fascinated humankind. From the ancient records we read stories about wizard, witches that remind us of present day hypnotists. For that matter every manipulation of human awareness can be called hypnosis.