Anchoring is a very interesting subject within NLP field. The idea is to link certain feelings to certain gestures or objects. We do it all the time unconsciously. Lots of people start thinking of a certain thing when they hear a particular song. A fragrance can trigger some event. Even a taste (remember Ratatouille?) Some people throw the old letters which remind them of the relationships they would rather forget about.
Anchoring is used in a dog training. There is a Columbo movie where a murder is committed on phone by persuading a victim to pronounce a certain phrase in a loud voice. The victim did not know that the dogs who were in the house were trained to kill when they heard that phrase. Lieutenant Columbo of course figured that out and had the dogs retrain so they would “kiss” instead of kill when they heard that phrase again. In the end the murderer is found out and he pronounces the phrase with the intention of killing Columbo. But of course to his great surprise the dogs kiss him instead. Great movie, one of my favourites in Columbo series.
Come to think of it we are not much better than dogs. Certain objects, fragrances, sounds and touches—sensations are linked to feelings. Unfortunately, just like with Columbo dogs it is impossible to get rid of the associations completely but we can link it to other feeling in order to weaken or neutralize the feeling we don’t want to experience anymore. We can use the swish pattern for this (imagine the action associated with the feeling that you want and swish the old one that you want to get rid of).
Anchoring can be very sneaky. I recommend that you use it only for good purposes and in order to help yourself. Here is the quick technique of anchoring:
Whenever you feel really good, make a certain gesture like put your thumb and middle finger together. After a while just performing this gesture will make you feel good.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Fears and Phobias
NLP has been successfully used in curing fears and phobias. Again, the idea here is that these fears are the result of unconscious programming that took place years ago before you started thinking critically. Fears are learnt behavior and as such can be banished and replaced by desired feelings.
One can use a swish pattern to get rid of a phobia. For example, if you have fear of spiders, imagine a spider on you mental screen. Make it as big as you can stand it without fainting. Now imagine that this spider is getting smaller and getting farther from you. Now make the picture look silly. For example, imagine a spider wearing a party hat and a walking stick. Now is this scary? Think about spiders in this way.
One can use a swish pattern to get rid of a phobia. For example, if you have fear of spiders, imagine a spider on you mental screen. Make it as big as you can stand it without fainting. Now imagine that this spider is getting smaller and getting farther from you. Now make the picture look silly. For example, imagine a spider wearing a party hat and a walking stick. Now is this scary? Think about spiders in this way.
Friday, March 13, 2009
The Swish Pattern
The visual swish is another popular technique used in NLP. It also involves the use of the mental screen. It is used to change your feelings about something you don’t like.
You start by looking at the imaginary movie screen and seeing yourself just like it’s somebody else. See yourself doing something you don’t like and feel the feeling you want to get rid of.
Now imagine something you like and feel the way you want to feel.
Start with the old image big and bright and a new image as a small dark square in the corner of the old one.
Perform the swish—quickly expand and brighten the new image while simultaneously shrinking and darkening the old image. Do it quickly. Perform several times.
Another variant of the swish pattern is to imagine someone you don’t like (your boss, for example). Watch them for a little while. Now imagine them wearing a clown suit. Add little horns and moustache. Instead of hearing them speaking imagine that they speak in a squeaky voice that makes people laugh. Make the image silly and you’ll notice that you can’t help smiling. Repeat as needed.
You start by looking at the imaginary movie screen and seeing yourself just like it’s somebody else. See yourself doing something you don’t like and feel the feeling you want to get rid of.
Now imagine something you like and feel the way you want to feel.
Start with the old image big and bright and a new image as a small dark square in the corner of the old one.
Perform the swish—quickly expand and brighten the new image while simultaneously shrinking and darkening the old image. Do it quickly. Perform several times.
Another variant of the swish pattern is to imagine someone you don’t like (your boss, for example). Watch them for a little while. Now imagine them wearing a clown suit. Add little horns and moustache. Instead of hearing them speaking imagine that they speak in a squeaky voice that makes people laugh. Make the image silly and you’ll notice that you can’t help smiling. Repeat as needed.
Friday, March 6, 2009
NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)
This is a fairly new field that has vast possibilities in social interaction. The idea is that our brain functions like a biological computer and our beliefs are programmed in the very early childhood. Some traumatic event long forgotten might have more impact on your life than your conscious realization of your strengths and weaknesses.
It does not mean, however, that we can’t use our conscious mind to change our behavior. In fact, that is what NLP is all about. Here is the basic procedure of a new behavior generator to give you an idea. Feel free to adjust it to any situation.
Suppose you suffer from shyness and would like to develop more self-confidence. Think of someone who, in your opinion, has ultimate (or at least to a degree you want) self confidence. Think James Bond, for example or Arnold Schwarzenegger or it can be your uncle. It does not matter who as long as that person possesses the quality you want to develop.
Now imagine the situation where that person uses that quality. Your might think of it as watching a mental movie. Imagine the situation in vivid detail, as clear as possible.
Now is the crucial step. While you are watching this mental picture, change James Bond (or whoever you imagine) into yourself. Continue to experience the scene in all the colourful details.
Now change the focus from the third person to the first person perspective. Now it is you who is dealing so marvelously with the situation. It is actually you who possesses the superb self-confidence (or whatever quality you want to develop).
This technique is known as creative visualization. You visualize situation and yourself in it the way you want it to happen. If done frequently enough and with enough intensity and feeling, you should notice results quickly, like within 3-4 weeks. Don’t give up if you don’t succeed on the first try, approach to it as a game, with relaxed frame of mind. You have nothing to lose but a lot to gain.
It does not mean, however, that we can’t use our conscious mind to change our behavior. In fact, that is what NLP is all about. Here is the basic procedure of a new behavior generator to give you an idea. Feel free to adjust it to any situation.
Suppose you suffer from shyness and would like to develop more self-confidence. Think of someone who, in your opinion, has ultimate (or at least to a degree you want) self confidence. Think James Bond, for example or Arnold Schwarzenegger or it can be your uncle. It does not matter who as long as that person possesses the quality you want to develop.
Now imagine the situation where that person uses that quality. Your might think of it as watching a mental movie. Imagine the situation in vivid detail, as clear as possible.
Now is the crucial step. While you are watching this mental picture, change James Bond (or whoever you imagine) into yourself. Continue to experience the scene in all the colourful details.
Now change the focus from the third person to the first person perspective. Now it is you who is dealing so marvelously with the situation. It is actually you who possesses the superb self-confidence (or whatever quality you want to develop).
This technique is known as creative visualization. You visualize situation and yourself in it the way you want it to happen. If done frequently enough and with enough intensity and feeling, you should notice results quickly, like within 3-4 weeks. Don’t give up if you don’t succeed on the first try, approach to it as a game, with relaxed frame of mind. You have nothing to lose but a lot to gain.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
A Few Words About Rapport
Rapport is much misunderstood in conversational hypnosis. It is usually described as a mutual feeling of liking between two persons. While it can be so, rapport is more than that.
Rapport is not necessarily liking. Rather it is a feeling of connection and trust. Think of a combat situation in martial arts, for instance. The opponents are not always friends. Great combats are usually held between the rivals: people of equal skills who are earnestly engaged in the combat. They would feel that wonderful sense of connection that is beyond liking, love or hate.
Rapport is experienced on verbal and non-verbal levels. Have you ever met someone to whom you instantly took a great sympathy? Lots of people tell stories when they met someone to whom they instantly took a sudden repulsion without knowing why. These are examples of rapport on a non-verbal level.
Rapport on a verbal or linguistic level is created by words. Thoughts have structure that are linked to feeling. By using proper words we can create a certain feeling thus establishing rapport.
Any language structure that mirrors people’s thought bypass their critical factor. That is why part of the mirroring techniques is to imitate people’s rate of speech and use similar speech patterns. They would also be using certain words that you can pick up and use in your conversation with them. Also at the gatherings, if a situation allows, speak of the subjects that are interesting to them. It also helps to establish rapport; sharing of interest. If you don’t know much of the subject, ask questions that you’d like to know the answer to. But don’t fake the interest, it is a fatal mistake. Most people would feel that your interest is not genuine.
How do you establish rapport on non-verbal level? This is actually more difficult as people judge each other on the unconscious level. But the same principle of mirroring technique apply here; imitate but don’t mimic. Make your motions fluid and natural. For example you can assume the same posture and use gestures in a similar way. The key here is to be subtle and not to mimic them directly. If they scratch their nose, for example, wait a few seconds and touch your chin. Above all, be natural. On the other hand, don’t be afraid, people don’t know what you are up to and what seems very obvious to you is virtually undetectable for them.
Rapport is one of the key ingredients in conversational hypnosis. It is much easier to influence people with whom you establish a sense of connection. It is still possible to influence people without rapport but it takes more advanced level of skill. Learn to establish rapport and you will have an easy time with conversational hypnosis.
Rapport skills also work cross-culturally. It is possible to live in another country without speaking the language and have a great time there because people in general like you.
Rapport is not necessarily liking. Rather it is a feeling of connection and trust. Think of a combat situation in martial arts, for instance. The opponents are not always friends. Great combats are usually held between the rivals: people of equal skills who are earnestly engaged in the combat. They would feel that wonderful sense of connection that is beyond liking, love or hate.
Rapport is experienced on verbal and non-verbal levels. Have you ever met someone to whom you instantly took a great sympathy? Lots of people tell stories when they met someone to whom they instantly took a sudden repulsion without knowing why. These are examples of rapport on a non-verbal level.
Rapport on a verbal or linguistic level is created by words. Thoughts have structure that are linked to feeling. By using proper words we can create a certain feeling thus establishing rapport.
Any language structure that mirrors people’s thought bypass their critical factor. That is why part of the mirroring techniques is to imitate people’s rate of speech and use similar speech patterns. They would also be using certain words that you can pick up and use in your conversation with them. Also at the gatherings, if a situation allows, speak of the subjects that are interesting to them. It also helps to establish rapport; sharing of interest. If you don’t know much of the subject, ask questions that you’d like to know the answer to. But don’t fake the interest, it is a fatal mistake. Most people would feel that your interest is not genuine.
How do you establish rapport on non-verbal level? This is actually more difficult as people judge each other on the unconscious level. But the same principle of mirroring technique apply here; imitate but don’t mimic. Make your motions fluid and natural. For example you can assume the same posture and use gestures in a similar way. The key here is to be subtle and not to mimic them directly. If they scratch their nose, for example, wait a few seconds and touch your chin. Above all, be natural. On the other hand, don’t be afraid, people don’t know what you are up to and what seems very obvious to you is virtually undetectable for them.
Rapport is one of the key ingredients in conversational hypnosis. It is much easier to influence people with whom you establish a sense of connection. It is still possible to influence people without rapport but it takes more advanced level of skill. Learn to establish rapport and you will have an easy time with conversational hypnosis.
Rapport skills also work cross-culturally. It is possible to live in another country without speaking the language and have a great time there because people in general like you.
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