You don’t have to be Casanova in order to establish basic rapport but you do need some practice. It probably won’t happen on the first try but it very well might on the fifth.
So the first rule of rapport is simple: smile. It might sound obvious but you’ll be surprised how many people ignore this rule and don’t grace their opponent with a hello kind of smile. There’s a thing to help to make your smile more charming: think of something pleasant that makes you smile and extend this smile to your opponent. People are guaranteed to like your smile then.
The second thing you can do to establish and maintain rapport is to make and maintain eye contact. It’s not as easy as it sounds as some people are naturally shy and have trouble in establishing eye contact. Here’s the thing though.
Eye contact should be fluid and natural. It means while you should maintain eye contact you must not stare at the person or you’ll make people feel uncomfortable which goes against rapport. There are a couple of things that you can do.
First, now and then glance away for a second and then look people back in the eyes. The second thing you can do is to look between the eyebrows. The best thing about this trick is that people will think is that you are looking them straight in the eyes.
But the best thing you can do about making eye contact and rapport in general is to develop “laughing” or “smiling” eyes. Then you don’t even have to smile, yet people will become drawn to you. Again, it won’t happen overnight, but if you practice, you’ll get them.
On a verbal level in order to establish rapport just find agreement about the subject you are conversing. Express your point of view. That’s also great technique to keep conversation flowing.
And, like with a smile, use the power of your emotions to build a great state. You can develop a personality that people will be attracted to you by your sheer magnetism. You’ve probably met people who are very much liked yet hardly say anything. The point is that you don’t have to be a brilliant conversationalist to be able to establish rapport though this definitely helps.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, November 27, 2009
Kung-Fu Hypnosis
This is rather esoteric field that I only have a few notes about. The possibilities are immense, if only this subject was studied in more depth. However like with all the really interesting and fascinating subjects, the instructions are not easily available and you have to find a teacher who would be willing to teach you.
Kung-fu or chi hypnosis deals with the energy. Martial arts are basically a form of manipulating energy. They can perform feats that can be only described as miracles from the European point of view. For example, they can throw a person with a powerful blow without touching him. The term they use for that is lin kong jing which mean powerful empty force. Li means raw energy. Fa li or fa jing means release of power. Jing means controlled energy for some specific task. Fa means to issue or send force so fa jing is release of power or to send energy.
Gong jing means empty force. Kong jing or ling kong jing is sending energy through space to push or move another person without physical contact.
Kung-fu deals with energy based hypnosis, in martial art it would be combat oriented energy. Here your mental state and the one of your opponent are very important. Opponents develop rapport in a sense of feeling of connection. They learn to feel what their opponent feels and change their mental state and energy in order to feel what their opponent is feeling. They learn to feel the energy change and change it at will.
Every time they change from the outward to the inward focus of attention there is opportunity to install suggestion (not necessarily verbally) because of a pattern interruption.
Kung-fu or chi hypnosis deals with the energy. Martial arts are basically a form of manipulating energy. They can perform feats that can be only described as miracles from the European point of view. For example, they can throw a person with a powerful blow without touching him. The term they use for that is lin kong jing which mean powerful empty force. Li means raw energy. Fa li or fa jing means release of power. Jing means controlled energy for some specific task. Fa means to issue or send force so fa jing is release of power or to send energy.
Gong jing means empty force. Kong jing or ling kong jing is sending energy through space to push or move another person without physical contact.
Kung-fu deals with energy based hypnosis, in martial art it would be combat oriented energy. Here your mental state and the one of your opponent are very important. Opponents develop rapport in a sense of feeling of connection. They learn to feel what their opponent feels and change their mental state and energy in order to feel what their opponent is feeling. They learn to feel the energy change and change it at will.
Every time they change from the outward to the inward focus of attention there is opportunity to install suggestion (not necessarily verbally) because of a pattern interruption.
Friday, November 20, 2009
3 Levels of Skill in Hypnosis
There are roughly 3 levels of skill in conversational hypnosis:
The first one is to change person’s behavior. That is what NLP and is all about. This is a surface level and can be achieved with a will power.
The second one is to change person’s beliefs. That goes deeper as beliefs are programmed deeply into subconsciousness. It can be done with NLP also.
The third and most advanced level is to be able to change one’s identity or personality. This level deals with manipulation of energy.
The first one is to change person’s behavior. That is what NLP and is all about. This is a surface level and can be achieved with a will power.
The second one is to change person’s beliefs. That goes deeper as beliefs are programmed deeply into subconsciousness. It can be done with NLP also.
The third and most advanced level is to be able to change one’s identity or personality. This level deals with manipulation of energy.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Jose Silva Method
You have probably noticed that lots of this hypnosis stuff has been around by the different names. One of the early systems of self-improvement (I guess we can call it that) is known as Jose Silva method. You can check out the book from the public library.
I must say it is a very good introduction to the subject (that is to say, part 1 is), much better than oversimplified Shakti Gavain’s Creative Visualization The latter one is not bad by all means but it lacks in-depth explanation of things. Silva method is the system that promotes the use of imaginary mental screen and visualizing the situation the way you want it to be. The book is rather old but it is better written than all these new-age books with their almost always present religious overtones of varying degree and simplistic instructions.
Here is the example from the book that describes how to put yourself in an alpha state. Alpha state is the state that you reach in meditation. It is not too deep but it is deeper that out everyday beta state. This technique claims to put you in alpha on your very first try. So here goes.
Sit in a comfortable posture (yoga asana if you can), relax. Start counting from 100 to 1. That’s it! By the time you reach 1 you should be in alpha. If you don’t feel any different (like I didn’t) it means that you’ve been in alpha state before. What did you expect, anyway? It’s not Samadhi we are talking about, just an alpha state that is being calmer than usual. And yes, I’ll bet you a dollar that you have been in alpha before. Repeat for 10 days. Then count from 50 to 1 for another 10 days. Then from 10 to one and finally from 5 to 1.
From NLP point of view you have created an anchor: now every time you count from 5 to 1 you are in alpha. You have also engaged you conscious mind in some meaningless activity: enough to keep it busy and “release” you unconscious mind from its tight grip. Give it a try.
I must say it is a very good introduction to the subject (that is to say, part 1 is), much better than oversimplified Shakti Gavain’s Creative Visualization The latter one is not bad by all means but it lacks in-depth explanation of things. Silva method is the system that promotes the use of imaginary mental screen and visualizing the situation the way you want it to be. The book is rather old but it is better written than all these new-age books with their almost always present religious overtones of varying degree and simplistic instructions.
Here is the example from the book that describes how to put yourself in an alpha state. Alpha state is the state that you reach in meditation. It is not too deep but it is deeper that out everyday beta state. This technique claims to put you in alpha on your very first try. So here goes.
Sit in a comfortable posture (yoga asana if you can), relax. Start counting from 100 to 1. That’s it! By the time you reach 1 you should be in alpha. If you don’t feel any different (like I didn’t) it means that you’ve been in alpha state before. What did you expect, anyway? It’s not Samadhi we are talking about, just an alpha state that is being calmer than usual. And yes, I’ll bet you a dollar that you have been in alpha before. Repeat for 10 days. Then count from 50 to 1 for another 10 days. Then from 10 to one and finally from 5 to 1.
From NLP point of view you have created an anchor: now every time you count from 5 to 1 you are in alpha. You have also engaged you conscious mind in some meaningless activity: enough to keep it busy and “release” you unconscious mind from its tight grip. Give it a try.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Ericksonian Hypnosis
Milton Erickson was a pioneer in hypnosis. In a way he changed our view about hypnosis. He “invented” what is now known as a conversational hypnosis. Rather than using “you are feeling sleepy” pattern of a therapeutic hypnosis he came up with the idea to influence people in the regular conversation. Just by talking to them. He came up with the use of hypnotic language pattern that allows the persuader to slip his suggestions into unconscious mind. There is an anecdote how Milton Erickson charmed the doctors who were about to strip him of the medical degree just by having a conversation with them on the plane to the conference.
Of course the art of persuasion and charm has been around long before Erickson. Casanova is one of the most famous examples. We all know people who are fabulous talkers and can persuade almost anyone to do anything willingly. Erickson turned this art into skill that anyone who is interested can learn and master.
Conversational hypnosis is a very useful skill as it allows you to interact with people effectively. The goal here is to make people like you and suggest thing that would help them. Yes, it is possible to use conversational hypnosis for ‘evil” purposes as well, but it’s rather like shooting a sparrow with cannon. You can achieve the same result much easier by persuading people to do what you want willingly. There are stories, for example, when people went to apply for jobs they were not qualified for and got them! Now isn’t that much better than steal money from a gas station? That just makes you a petty thief.
Of course the art of persuasion and charm has been around long before Erickson. Casanova is one of the most famous examples. We all know people who are fabulous talkers and can persuade almost anyone to do anything willingly. Erickson turned this art into skill that anyone who is interested can learn and master.
Conversational hypnosis is a very useful skill as it allows you to interact with people effectively. The goal here is to make people like you and suggest thing that would help them. Yes, it is possible to use conversational hypnosis for ‘evil” purposes as well, but it’s rather like shooting a sparrow with cannon. You can achieve the same result much easier by persuading people to do what you want willingly. There are stories, for example, when people went to apply for jobs they were not qualified for and got them! Now isn’t that much better than steal money from a gas station? That just makes you a petty thief.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Anchoring
Anchoring is a very interesting subject within NLP field. The idea is to link certain feelings to certain gestures or objects. We do it all the time unconsciously. Lots of people start thinking of a certain thing when they hear a particular song. A fragrance can trigger some event. Even a taste (remember Ratatouille?) Some people throw the old letters which remind them of the relationships they would rather forget about.
Anchoring is used in a dog training. There is a Columbo movie where a murder is committed on phone by persuading a victim to pronounce a certain phrase in a loud voice. The victim did not know that the dogs who were in the house were trained to kill when they heard that phrase. Lieutenant Columbo of course figured that out and had the dogs retrain so they would “kiss” instead of kill when they heard that phrase again. In the end the murderer is found out and he pronounces the phrase with the intention of killing Columbo. But of course to his great surprise the dogs kiss him instead. Great movie, one of my favourites in Columbo series.
Come to think of it we are not much better than dogs. Certain objects, fragrances, sounds and touches—sensations are linked to feelings. Unfortunately, just like with Columbo dogs it is impossible to get rid of the associations completely but we can link it to other feeling in order to weaken or neutralize the feeling we don’t want to experience anymore. We can use the swish pattern for this (imagine the action associated with the feeling that you want and swish the old one that you want to get rid of).
Anchoring can be very sneaky. I recommend that you use it only for good purposes and in order to help yourself. Here is the quick technique of anchoring:
Whenever you feel really good, make a certain gesture like put your thumb and middle finger together. After a while just performing this gesture will make you feel good.
Anchoring is used in a dog training. There is a Columbo movie where a murder is committed on phone by persuading a victim to pronounce a certain phrase in a loud voice. The victim did not know that the dogs who were in the house were trained to kill when they heard that phrase. Lieutenant Columbo of course figured that out and had the dogs retrain so they would “kiss” instead of kill when they heard that phrase again. In the end the murderer is found out and he pronounces the phrase with the intention of killing Columbo. But of course to his great surprise the dogs kiss him instead. Great movie, one of my favourites in Columbo series.
Come to think of it we are not much better than dogs. Certain objects, fragrances, sounds and touches—sensations are linked to feelings. Unfortunately, just like with Columbo dogs it is impossible to get rid of the associations completely but we can link it to other feeling in order to weaken or neutralize the feeling we don’t want to experience anymore. We can use the swish pattern for this (imagine the action associated with the feeling that you want and swish the old one that you want to get rid of).
Anchoring can be very sneaky. I recommend that you use it only for good purposes and in order to help yourself. Here is the quick technique of anchoring:
Whenever you feel really good, make a certain gesture like put your thumb and middle finger together. After a while just performing this gesture will make you feel good.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Fears and Phobias
NLP has been successfully used in curing fears and phobias. Again, the idea here is that these fears are the result of unconscious programming that took place years ago before you started thinking critically. Fears are learnt behavior and as such can be banished and replaced by desired feelings.
One can use a swish pattern to get rid of a phobia. For example, if you have fear of spiders, imagine a spider on you mental screen. Make it as big as you can stand it without fainting. Now imagine that this spider is getting smaller and getting farther from you. Now make the picture look silly. For example, imagine a spider wearing a party hat and a walking stick. Now is this scary? Think about spiders in this way.
One can use a swish pattern to get rid of a phobia. For example, if you have fear of spiders, imagine a spider on you mental screen. Make it as big as you can stand it without fainting. Now imagine that this spider is getting smaller and getting farther from you. Now make the picture look silly. For example, imagine a spider wearing a party hat and a walking stick. Now is this scary? Think about spiders in this way.
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