Foundations of Basic Rapport

You don’t have to be Casanova in order to establish basic rapport but you do need some practice. It probably won’t happen on the first try but it very well might on the fifth.

So the first rule of rapport is simple: smile. It might sound obvious but you’ll be surprised how many people ignore this rule and don’t grace their opponent with a hello kind of smile. There’s a thing to help to make your smile more charming: think of something pleasant that makes you smile and extend this smile to your opponent. People are guaranteed to like your smile then.

The second thing you can do to establish and maintain rapport is to make and maintain eye contact. It’s not as easy as it sounds as some people are naturally shy and have trouble in establishing eye contact. Here’s the thing though.

Eye contact should be fluid and natural. It means while you should maintain eye contact you must not stare at the person or you’ll make people feel uncomfortable which goes against rapport. There are a couple of things that you can do.

First, now and then glance away for a second and then look people back in the eyes. The second thing you can do is to look between the eyebrows. The best thing about this trick is that people will think is that you are looking them straight in the eyes.

But the best thing you can do about making eye contact and rapport in general is to develop “laughing” or “smiling” eyes. Then you don’t even have to smile, yet people will become drawn to you. Again, it won’t happen overnight, but if you practice, you’ll get them.

On a verbal level in order to establish rapport just find agreement about the subject you are conversing. Express your point of view. That’s also great technique to keep conversation flowing.

And, like with a smile, use the power of your emotions to build a great state. You can develop a personality that people will be attracted to you by your sheer magnetism. You’ve probably met people who are very much liked yet hardly say anything. The point is that you don’t have to be a brilliant conversationalist to be able to establish rapport though this definitely helps.

A Few Words About Rapport

Rapport is much misunderstood in conversational hypnosis. It is usually described as a mutual feeling of liking between two persons. While it can be so, rapport is more than that.

Rapport is not necessarily liking. Rather it is a feeling of connection and trust. Think of a combat situation in martial arts, for instance. The opponents are not always friends. Great combats are usually held between the rivals: people of equal skills who are earnestly engaged in the combat. They would feel that wonderful sense of connection that is beyond liking, love or hate.

Rapport is experienced on verbal and non-verbal levels. Have you ever met someone to whom you instantly took a great sympathy? Lots of people tell stories when they met someone to whom they instantly took a sudden repulsion without knowing why. These are examples of rapport on a non-verbal level.

Rapport on a verbal or linguistic level is created by words. Thoughts have structure that are linked to feeling. By using proper words we can create a certain feeling thus establishing rapport.

Any language structure that mirrors people’s thought bypass their critical factor. That is why part of the mirroring techniques is to imitate people’s rate of speech and use similar speech patterns. They would also be using certain words that you can pick up and use in your conversation with them. Also at the gatherings, if a situation allows, speak of the subjects that are interesting to them. It also helps to establish rapport; sharing of interest. If you don’t know much of the subject, ask questions that you’d like to know the answer to. But don’t fake the interest, it is a fatal mistake. Most people would feel that your interest is not genuine.

How do you establish rapport on non-verbal level? This is actually more difficult as people judge each other on the unconscious level. But the same principle of mirroring technique apply here; imitate but don’t mimic. Make your motions fluid and natural. For example you can assume the same posture and use gestures in a similar way. The key here is to be subtle and not to mimic them directly. If they scratch their nose, for example, wait a few seconds and touch your chin. Above all, be natural. On the other hand, don’t be afraid, people don’t know what you are up to and what seems very obvious to you is virtually undetectable for them.

Rapport is one of the key ingredients in conversational hypnosis. It is much easier to influence people with whom you establish a sense of connection. It is still possible to influence people without rapport but it takes more advanced level of skill. Learn to establish rapport and you will have an easy time with conversational hypnosis.

Rapport skills also work cross-culturally. It is possible to live in another country without speaking the language and have a great time there because people in general like you.